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Dear Hussalonia,

I am Russian mail-order bear who has just recently been brought to your fantastic nation founded on freedom.

Recently, my master took me to a place you Americans call the Lincoln Memorial. At first, I thought he was a czar or a king when I saw him sitting in that huge throne. But as I got closer, I realized he was not sitting on a throne, but on a large, rather plain, square chair. Then I noted the way his right hand anxiously gripped the arm of the chair, while his left hand clenched into a fist. This is not the body language of aristocracy. Mister Lincoln seemed agitated. The way his left foot is not quite on the platform suggests a perpetual transitory state. It's as if he just sat down for a moment, and like a man on a mission, will be up and out of his chair the second you look away.

I thought a lot about that left foot and how it gives Lincoln a continual feeling of unrest, how he will always be in a state of anxiety about this great nation of yours. I was so inspired that I began to read his Gettysburg Address, wondering what this great man might have to say to me, a newcomer to the land of the free.

However, my master then administered a 300-kilovolt electroshock with his taser gun which sent me into a wild and frenzied dance. He brandished a melodeon out of his battered suitcase and began to play Swannee River while I involuntarily gyrated. Delighted tourists crowded around to watch, some of them throwing pennies at me, which I couldn't help but notice were stamped with Mr. Lincoln's stoic face.

Signed,
a Russian mail-order bear

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from Dear Hussalonia: Letters from Animals, Mostly Ducks, released February 14, 2010

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Hussalonia Buffalo, New York

Hussalonia is largely the work of a multi-instrumentalist known only as The Hussalonia Founder.

Founded in 1997, Hussalonia is a "pop music cult" and claims to be owned by Nefarico™, a fictional soap company.

The Hussalonia Founder lives and works in Buffalo, New York. ... more

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