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Dear Hussalonia,

I was at the local candy shop the other day wanting to purchase a box of chocolates for my sweetheart. I asked the man behind the counter to suggest something. He proceeded to show me a box of chocolate ducks.

Those chocolates were the most offensive depictions of ducks I have ever seen in my life. They had fat, round bodies with beady eyes made of sugar drops. Their necks were silly, little tubes. Someone even had the audacity to render the duck's feet with really exaggerated webs. How ignorant.

When will you stupid, bi-pedal humans recognize how species-ist you are? Especially when it comes to ducks. We are not all fat, waddling fowl, content to quack up a storm in your local pond. Despite the caustic, bursting rasps of our voices, most of us are, in fact, quite articulate. That is, if you were only smart enough to understand our quacks.

I was so angry with the chocolatier that, in a heated frenzy, I flapped my feathered wings right in his face and proceeded to erratically jab him in the belly with my rounded bill.

I bet he has learned his lesson.

Signed,
a duck

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from Dear Hussalonia: Letters from Animals, Mostly Ducks, released February 14, 2010

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Hussalonia Buffalo, New York

Hussalonia is largely the work of a multi-instrumentalist known only as The Hussalonia Founder.

Founded in 1997, Hussalonia is a "pop music cult" and claims to be owned by Nefarico™, a fictional soap company.

The Hussalonia Founder lives and works in Buffalo, New York.
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